"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
