The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
