Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
