don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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