I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
