I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
