she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
