Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
