I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
