Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
