I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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