Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
