I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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