Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
