hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
