I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
