I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
