last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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