i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They took my balls.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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