If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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