He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
