ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
