nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
