this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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