Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just had sex on a roof
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Congratulations! We have a period
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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