I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
