i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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