i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
