Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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