Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
