apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize