when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
