Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
