You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
