You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
