Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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