I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
