im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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