so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
