I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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