You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
