Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
