Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
