Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
