You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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