he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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