Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
