and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
