Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just threw up on my dentist
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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