but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
