So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
