So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
