You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work