The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND