I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.