Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....