did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle