tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED