Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.