wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.