ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER