dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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