Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
