last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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