Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
