TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
