After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
