I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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