She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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