His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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