I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
