I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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