when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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