dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
