At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
