im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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