Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she looked like the before picture.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
