News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
