I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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