This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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