at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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