so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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