My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize