my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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