I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The power of my boobs compel you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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