guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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