Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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