Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
