No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
