your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
