When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize