u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
